I very much agree. I learned this during my yoga teacher training, the idea of “holding space” instead of reassuring, wanting to fix. It transformed my perspective about pain — I don’t have to stop pain, and letting people feel their pain is a bigger service than trying to stop it. Worlds of insights unfold when we give space to pain rather than stopping it. 🙏
Especially when it comes to romantic relationships... When I look at my past or current relationship, it was always a bad idea to try to help out my woman with emotional support.
Questions like “What happened?”, “Why are you sad?”, “Can I help you?” have mostly backfired for some reason.
This might be more dating relationship-specific questions, but how does this apply to what you’ve written?
Why is trying to help a woman (or in the other direction) almost always “triggers” them, when they’re going through a crisis or something?
In romantic relationships, the process I describe here is very powerful. But it's also difficult to do. I always think of it like this: the closer the relationship, the higher the difficulty level (because we easily get triggered ourselves).
To answer your question, I believe that women have a tendency to seek safety, moreso than men. When she is struggling with something "you are still safe and loved and accepted as you are" is a more important message to her than "we can fix this problem".
"What happened?" and "Why are you sad?" may trigger her because she has been shamed in the past for being too emotional and she's afraid that if she gives the "wrong" answer to this question, she'll get more of that. "Can I help you?" may trigger her because it puts the ball back in her court and implies that something needs to be fixed. She wants to be seen, held and contained more than helped.
I very much agree. I learned this during my yoga teacher training, the idea of “holding space” instead of reassuring, wanting to fix. It transformed my perspective about pain — I don’t have to stop pain, and letting people feel their pain is a bigger service than trying to stop it. Worlds of insights unfold when we give space to pain rather than stopping it. 🙏
I love that you encountered this in yoga. I would not have expected that.
Especially when it comes to romantic relationships... When I look at my past or current relationship, it was always a bad idea to try to help out my woman with emotional support.
Questions like “What happened?”, “Why are you sad?”, “Can I help you?” have mostly backfired for some reason.
This might be more dating relationship-specific questions, but how does this apply to what you’ve written?
Why is trying to help a woman (or in the other direction) almost always “triggers” them, when they’re going through a crisis or something?
In romantic relationships, the process I describe here is very powerful. But it's also difficult to do. I always think of it like this: the closer the relationship, the higher the difficulty level (because we easily get triggered ourselves).
To answer your question, I believe that women have a tendency to seek safety, moreso than men. When she is struggling with something "you are still safe and loved and accepted as you are" is a more important message to her than "we can fix this problem".
"What happened?" and "Why are you sad?" may trigger her because she has been shamed in the past for being too emotional and she's afraid that if she gives the "wrong" answer to this question, she'll get more of that. "Can I help you?" may trigger her because it puts the ball back in her court and implies that something needs to be fixed. She wants to be seen, held and contained more than helped.